The Man Vs. The Skittles

So, I had a really weird interaction with a member of my family that I'm not really close to at all... And I have now realized it's because, apparently, that side of my family is crazy.  Like, FOX News crazy.  This is what he said:

"Just sayin most are assuming gated community means white on black. Minority on minority is slightly different than old white dude on young black dude."

Which basically means racism isn't racism unless a white person does it or thinks it.  It was on facebook in response to this:

Why Trayvon Martin’s Killer Remains Free

The article talks about how Trayvon Martin, a 17 year old Black kid, was murdered by George Zimmerman, a 28 year old Hispanic man, for walking through his gated community in Florida.  Martin only had Skittles and an iced tea on him that he had just gotten at a gas station or something, no weapon, but Zimmerman felt threatened.  And because he was so threatened by this kid, he followed him and shot him.

 By the way, this is Trayvon Martin...  I know, right? 

 Zimmerman is a fucking asshole.

So I said "Blah blah blah rude and also shut up and that is racist" and he deleted me.  The point is that people like this exist.  This kind of comment implies that because it was a Black man and a Hispanic man, and not a White man, the crime isn't that big of a deal.  It implies that only White people are so privileged to be allowed to be racist and so privileged that only they can commit race crimes.  But he also doesn't think he's saying anything wrong!  I mean, even the way he said "white on black" versus "minority on minority," as if only in comparison to Whites do minorities have any identity.

The reason why this case is a big deal is that George Zimmerman very obviously murdered Trayvon Martin (read the list of facts here) but is STILL not been arrested.  I mean, just based on the series of events where Martin was a skinny kid who had no weapons on him, called the police because Zimmerman was following him, cried for help before being shot, and Zimmerman admitted that he shot him should be enough to at least arrest the guy.  But it's basically just a blatantly racist Zimmerman with a history of mental issues (including racism) and a responding officer with a history of racism (like letting a guy go who was beating up on a Black homeless man) being racists.  Basically, a 17 year old kid had to die because he is Black.  There has been no real justice thus far because he is Black.  There is so much evidence that Zimmerman is guilty that his walking free is a slap in the face to our so-called Justice System.  This is just one more case to pile onto the "we live in an institutionally racist country" heap.

Iced T and Skittles, get it?

Another point is why this was allowed to happen... outside of the whole racist thing.  (Because it was, Family Member.  It was.)  Florida passed a law in 2005 called the "Stand Your Ground" law, which allows citizens to use deadly force if they feel like they're in danger.  Zimmerman was defending himself because he's so racist that he's afraid of a Black kid that weighed 100 lbs less than him.  Essentially, anyone can kill anyone and say they felt like they were in danger later and get away with it.  Way to go, Florida.

I guess we're just going to have to wait this one out.  I don't really have that much faith in the government or the police, especially when issues of race or gender or sexuality are involved.  We'll see.

To Russians, With Love

Thank you for reading my blog!  I know I don't speak your language, but let me say, I an honored.  And you know what?  Totally over that whole Cold War thing.  Pretty silly, right?  I mean, we totally beat you with the man on the moon thing, or whatever, but no hard feelings.  You beat us with the chimpanzees in space and dogs and first humans... And Sputnik.  Ok, and a lot of people don't think we actually put a man on the moon.  But that's what the Cold War was about, right?  Oh, and the Olympics, because I know we boycotted the Moscow games.

I'm just joshing you.

(But really, I'm glad you aren't part of the USSR anymore, as I'm sure you are as well.)

Here's my first thoughts about Russia before I would have to do some research: One, damn, that's cold!  Literally, the snow and the cold.  Two, did you know that you're a part of Asia?  Because in the US we like to pretend you're not.  Three, Russia is definitely not to be fucked with.  It's kind of like that big guy that doesn't say too much, but once you mess with him, you're shit is fucked.  I mean... Want to lose a war?  Go to Russia!  You'll lose.  Oh, you will lose.  Four, as far as I know, you're all beautiful.  It could be because of Maria Sharapova, but that's good enough for me.

Because she is freaking beautiful.

I'm sorry I don't know much about Russia.  Educate me!

Love,
Madeleine

Shit Talking, Explained

To be specific, I mean shit talking about someone that you consider your friend, not shit talking about a person you dislike.  If you say something negative about someone you don't like, that isn't really shit talking, that's just what your opinion is.  But when you say negative things about someone you otherwise will hang out with on a regular basis, enjoy their company, respect their opinion, and love (or really just like), it's a little more complicated, but I think I figured it out.

"Hold on, Man, I need to make sure no one 

can hear what we're talking about."

I realized the other day that the reason why I, personally, talk shit about people I consider to be close friends or whom I love is because I care about them.  I think that I see these things that are negative parts of their personality or something that they have done that is going to or is negatively affecting them, or other people, and it makes me feel bad.  Instead of expressing my concern to the person, because confrontation is scary and overly confrontational people are very scary, I just go talk to someone else about it.  People judge each other for a lot of reasons, but one of them must be concern for the other person, right?  This is especially useful when the judgment isn't constructive, it's just a thing you feel and need to express somehow.

It's just too bad that's it's so negative.

But it's like complaining about your family to your friends.  And I'm sure everyone has heard this before, but when a person bitches about his or her family, it's just getting something off his or her chest.  As soon as another person starts saying negative things about your family more likely than not you'll kick the shit out of them.  I know I do.  I've gone to jail a few times for that reason. (jk, lol).

Hopefully this isn't just me trying to make up for being an asshole.  Maybe it is... I guess we'll never know.




Arg, I'm just am an asshole.  God DAMN IT. >:(

The Benefits of Smoking Cigarettes

First of all, shut up, I know.  I call them "cancer sticks," too.  It has been beaten into me from elementary school that cigarettes will make my tongue hairy and my skin yellow and my teeth brown and my lungs will fill with tar and the filters have fiber glass and rat poison and that I will probably die of asphyxiation.  Ok?  I know.  But despite this, I smoke and I will continue to do so as long as I damn well please.  And this is why.

1.  I started smoking cigarettes when I was in Barcelona, Spain.  The best bar that my friends and I could find was an Irish pub (run by real Irish people!).  We went there to watch the futbol games because it was the Super Bowl for soccer, and people yelling makes sports fun.  Anyway, smoking:  In Spain it's legal to smoke inside!  So everyone was smoking and since I had smoked a few times before and I knew I liked how it made me feel (it used to give me a crazy rush when I was drunk... oh, how young I was), I smoked along with everyone else.  I mean, I was breathing it in anyway and drinking Irish beer and cider and watching futbol, so what is a better compliment than a cigarette?

 I love beer, I love cider, om nom nom nom...

2.  Back in the states, I started smoking more as I started hanging out with people who also smoked.  This was a useful tool to form some of my relationships because if we were at a party someone can say, "Let's go outside and smoke," and you get to take a break from the action and have a smaller conversation with smaller people.  Well, people with smaller lung capacity, anyway.  It's a shared activity.  It forms bonds.  Even with people you don't know.  Wanna meet someone?  Bum a cigarette, Dumby!

3. The brain has nicotinic acetylcholine receptors, which basically means God wants us all to smoke cigarettes.  In fact, every receptor that a drug compliments in our brain is one we are meant to do.  Yep.

4. On that note, it makes you feel good.  I totally smoke when I'm stressed and it totally calms me down.  Those chemicals definitely know what they're doing because even if I don't have a noticeable chemical change in my body, I will feel a little bit better.  Even if things aren't actually better.  A cigarette can't fix any of your problems, get real...  Unless that problem is that you aren't smoking a cigarette.

Yummy....

5. The ritual of lighting the cigarette, bringing it to your mouth, breathing smoke, exhaling smoke is satisfying and calming.  In the same way, I imagine, doing any repeated motion is calming.  But smoking is more fun.

6. I have an addictive personality even though I deny it all the time.  I didn't realize this at all until I started smoking because it caused me to stop binge eating on chocolate.  Chocolate, cookies, and sweets in general, actually, are not nearly as appealing they used to be, and I credit the cigarettes for that one.  It's like quitting any bad habit: just pick up a different bad habit and it'll be no problem.  And besides, if you're going to play to your addictive personality and oral fixation, you might as well be doing something that looks cool instead of shoving an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups down your gullet.

Want to eat... :(

7. Speaking of which, the coolness factor actually is pretty important.  I'm not going to lie.  I feel sexy sometimes when I smoke a cigarette.  Even if you hate cigarettes, you can't really deny how cool someone looks while smoking.  I mean, it's been enculturated into you from day one when Doc Cottle smacked your ass and handed you to your mother just to light up a ciggy.  But of course, this may have to do with the fact that I am a woman and a cigarette is my torch of freedom.  Oh, how far we've come.

 

Common, Ladies, you'll be superheros if you smoke!

Update: Apparently, there are more benefits to smoking than I thought.

Great Moments in Life

1. The moment I realized I no longer have body issues.  It was an amazing moment.  I was taking a shower and looked down at myself and realized that I love my body.  It is truly the only thing in the world that I have, that I can or can't count on.  It is my home.  And as a female in the US, this is something that doesn't always even happen.  In the media, such as What the Bleep Do We Know? and in Eat Pray Love (one is awesome, the other is a piece... you make the call), women don't have a chance to experience this until they are older: late 30's or 40's, and only after they have had important life experiences.  The fact that this happened when I was 19 is something of an anomaly, and if I am to understand the conversations with other women and the media at face value, body-acceptance is something that should be, but is yet unattainable for all women (and all men, for that matter).  It is too often that I see and meet amazing, beautiful people who have these detrimental mindsets, and I think it is the responsibility of all people to attempt to quell this.  No, I am not perfect, nor do I think I am, and neither is anyone else.  But this isn't the point.  The point is that we are all human and that requires love toward each other and toward ourselves.  Anyway, I'm really into Dead Prez right now, so enjoy, and keep doing you, Baby.

"Beauty exists not just on the surface."

2. Concerts and music festivals.  There's always at least one moment during a festival or concert where it becomes clear how beautiful the energy of a crowd of people all celebrating the same thing, all experiencing joy, really is.  I experienced this most intensely when I saw MGMT at Austin City Limits in 2008, when they started to play Kids.  The crowd of hundreds, maybe thousands of people lost it and everyone was singing and dancing.  It was very much a spiritual experience.  But maybe this feeling is why humans have religion, if we want to think about it in that way.  If anyone has experienced this at a concert, they know the feeling I mean.  How could humans back in the day having the same feeling or similar experience not take some spiritual opinion out of that?  And since it is based on mutual experience with other humans, a group is formed.  The feeling is attributed to something outside of themselves.  Rituals are created in order to continue to have the experience.  Stories are thought of, visions are had, to explain it.  It goes from there, and eventually it becomes stale and gay people aren't allowed to get married and women are closer to evil than god.  Unfortunately, I have not studied this at all, but it seems to make sense, so, I think it's the case.

3. When someone notices something about you that you think is special, without prompt.  For example, I have a freckle/mole on my forehead that I've always thought was unique.   My high school boyfriend and I were making avatars on the Wii, I made his and he made mine, and he made a point to put that freckle on it.  It was small, and something stupid, but it meant a lot that someone saw something that I loved about myself that they also thought was important, or to be presumptuous, special.

4. Anytime a deep and pure emotion is experienced.  It can be for any reason, positive or negative.  Pure sadness is just as positive as a feeling of pure joy, as ironic as that may sound.  But think about it.  To feel is to be alive, and pure emotions are beautiful.

5.  The first time I felt like a woman (or I guess, a man, if that's how you swing).  When I shaved my head, the first time I looked in the mirror afterward, I felt more like a woman than any other time in my entire life.  A woman's hair is one of her most important expressions of femininity, and frequently, women shave their heads in times of mourning, or their heads are shaved as a form of torture.  Mine was sort of in mourning, it was a strange time in my life, but when my hair was gone, it was very therapeutic.  This must be due to the social import of looking and being feminine for a female, and having the ovaries to break through that, and to be strong for myself.  And to be strong is to be woman.  You go, Grrl.

Everything here rocks, right?  And why do we experience these?  Why do we experience all the awesome things not listed here, like watching a really beautiful sunset, or chilling with really close friends, etc?  Because of the god in each of us, as the Dead Prez would probably agree...

I realize it's probably tacky to have two music videos 

by the same band 

in a post that isn't about the band...  

Fuck it.

What's in a name?

A lot, Dumby!

Names allow you to form an identity through language, which has had a interesting role in the way humans think.  It was even argued, and still is, that humans did not perform complex thought before they were able to speak language.  I disagree with this because without complex thought, how could language have developed at all?  Anyway, this form of identification is why nick names are so often used - if one's given name does not suite one in all situations, it is important to have a call sign that does.  Having a connection with your own name tells who you are as a person.  But equally important, it is a way of identification as separate from other people.  It is a way to express that other people's horrible negative traits are different than your awesome negative traits.

Madeleine.  This is who I am.  I am a Tower of Strength.

Needless to say, then, when you call someone by the wrong name, you're a jerk and an idiot.  There are, of course, some instances when this is acceptable.  The just having met period, and in this instance it's even kind of tricky.  You only are allocated, like, 3 times of messing up or not remembering before, I'm sorry, but you become a jerk and stupid-idiot.  Ok, so you don't remember names well.  Figure out a mnemonic device and get better at it!  Seriously.

There are also certain people that you can mess up with where it's alright pretty much whenever.  Close friends, calling them a sibling or another close friend's name is totally fine.  Especially when you were just talking to or about that other person.  Family: it's almost expected they don't get the right name on the first try.  My name growing up, according to my mom, was "Gwen...Meggie...Jon...Ben...the dog... Madeleine!!"  And the same went for the rest of us.  It's the way it is.

HOWEVER!  There is one instance that you should go out of your way to never use the wrong name: when you are talking to the person you're sleeping with/seeing/dating/relationshiping/whatevering.  This is a never do it situation, alright?  I mean, this is offensive on so many levels... I'm not even sure how to express it.  Like... "You're in my bed, and you called me the wrong name?"  "Did you just call me "Dad"?  That is weird and you're walking home."  I promise, the person you're sleeping with/seeing/dating/relationshiping/whatevering won't like it, jerk.  Stupid, stupid, stupid-idiot.

For your health.