God and Santa

The other day, I got to thinking.  I never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy, and honestly, the idea of it all is pretty weird.  Maybe my parents were just bad at it or not convincing enough, because I know they cared.  We still and will always get presents from Santa.  I was just that kid that felt like she had to prove he didn't exist because the I thought whole thing was pretty stupid and very transparent.  It was like in elementary school on St. Patrick's Day when we made a trap for a leprechaun or the little guy left us notes in our desks.  I don't think anyone actually believed it but the teachers tried really hard.

Then I realized that that is probably why it was so easy for me to stop believing in God.  I started praying to God to give me a sign "He" exists when I was about 9, otherwise I would stop believing (probably shouldn't have threatened God, but whatever).  I gave up at 11.  As my family was Catholic, this was not very fun for my parents.  As far as parenting goes, of what I understand, the only thing Catholic parents need to do is make sure their kid is religious (the right kind of religious, I mean) because that way, even if you accidentally kill 'em, they'll still end up in heaven.

I believe now that the reason why we have these childhood mythical figures is to introduce children to the God concept.  Then, when their minds develop to the point where they can try to conceive of God, it will be easier for them.  It's a toe in the door to faith.  God, like Santa, is a mythical creature that you'll never see, but who is always watching you, making sure you're being good.  If you aren't good, both God and Santa punish you in some way.  And the only reason to be good for both God and Santa is so that you get a treat.  The difference is coal versus hell and toys versus heaven, but that's only minor.  I mean, gees, they both have minions to do their bidding, people sing about them all the time, and both have holidays celebrating them.  Yes, Jesus did get pushed out of Christmas by Santa a little.  They even look the same, according to the white folks.

...But what if Santa is just God in disguise?  It's his way of relating to the kiddos.  I mean, fire and brimstone isn't going to convince them like it convinces the adults.  Adults are afraid of dying; kids want to party.  That is, kids want toys and candy.  God's public relations guy was really on his shit the day he thought of the Santa character for God to play.  I hope he got a good bonus that year.

So, I guess the conclusion to this is that God is a grown-up version of Santa.  Santa for adults.  Santa smoking a cigar and drinking scotch.  Santa making lewd remarks.  That's God, I'm pretty sure.

Party Santas.   For the children.